Today I feel that I am learning what conflict resolution is. I think most people don't actually achieve resolution, I, am at the top of that list.
I am a fairly confident woman but have areas where I struggle, stuff from my upbringing and simply from living my life.
One area I struggle with is being heard, of being acknowledged, of being accepted. When conflicts have come up in my life (some of them are pretty harsh and of course many are petty.) I have no idea how to function in them.... 2 of my most famous strategies are,
1) fight, fight, fight, fight, fall down from exhaustion; Then wait until the next burst of energy or the next fight.
2)Run like hell away from the conflict. This usually involves hiding, not speaking, randomly ignoring (very hard to do when you live int he same house, outsiders... PIECE OF CAKE! to ignore)
Those 2 fascinating strategies are failures, but, they are what I know.
I have a friend who I am close with, he is male (the kinda species I really don't do well in conflict with) So my friend resembles in personality many of the men I have struggled with all my life; controlling, demanding, pushy, ok.. yes, he has other nice attributes but this is not a describe the good parts of my friend blog.
We have a fairly good relationship we can laugh, plan, encourage etc... but then comes the days when he resembles all the evil conflicts that I have experienced in my life. What does this Diva do? of course! You already know because it's mentioned in my 2 points. Well this friend does not handle my responses when things go amuck. He waits a few days then 'checks in' to find out what is going on. I respond some what but struggle with really expressing myself as I think it will become like the 'other' conflicts that I have had.
He will continue to talk to me going around the mountain chasing me to become real about where I really am. As I open and share my perspective he TOTALLY GETS IT! he listens and hears and acknowledges me where I am at (even if it's EXTREMELY crazy)and then he accepts me. I had no idea that this was a possibility, I had no idea that this was my wrong reaction in what I do and have done in my life. Rather shocking.
I was undone by it.
Now I am scared by it.
But it gives me hope by it.
It was easy (but painful) to go through life thinking, no, KNOWING that all men are assholes. But, through my friend and a couple of very emotional conflicts I have had with him, I have been shown that it's just not true. This is scary to think that I can trust men to be honest, caring, kind and respectful of me.
It has changed so much of how I think.
This give me hope for future relationships, that I might be able to have a healthy relationship that can have conflict resolution.
What a thought!